Sumogirls Website

border border border border
border border
My Thoughts
If Jen Were Prez
Sumogirl FAQ
Read Everything
Advanced Search
Contact Us
- - - - - - -
Happiness Podcast
Happiness Through Humanism Blog
Sumogirl on YouTube
Jen's Humanist Examiner Page
- - - - - - -
Jen's News Feeds
Follow on Facebook
- - - - - - -
Free Handy Humanism Handbook
Jen's Book Store
Sumogirl's Store
- - - - - - -
Jennifer Hancock is one of the finest minds in Humanism. - Torben Riise, Phd.
Sumogirl Site Membership
Want to join in the discussion? You must register with the site first!


Remember me
Password Reminder
No account yet? Create one
Registration is required to prevent trolling and spam in the comments section.
Other Menu
Sumogirl Statistics
Visitors: 3788041

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required
Sumogirl's Podcast
Powered by

border border border border
HomeborderNewsborderContact us
  arrow pointing to the right   Home arrow My Thoughts arrow Pop Culture arrow Pop Culture arrow Humanism, Sex & Bondage

Humanism, Sex & Bondage PDF Print E-mail

Of Bondage and Humanism

Why are we so turned on by abusive sexual images? Should we be?

My Heart and My Body are Connected - Humanist Sex

My friend and fellow Humanist Toni Van Pelt wrote an essay about her thoughts on the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon. (See:

As a Humanist, I am all for individuals exploring their sexuality in whatever way they want. What they do and choose to do with other consenting adults is their business, not mine. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions on whether or not any given particular sexual pursuit will lead to happiness or not.

In the case of bondage and submission, more and more I am turned off by it. By definition submissive relationships are not humanistic. Humanistic relationships are consensual, respectful, compassionate and responsible. 

Yes, I understand that a person can voluntarily consent to a nonconsensual sexual relationship. But that doesn’t change the fact that in the moment, consent is absent.

But it’s not just the question of consent. It’s also a problem for me that submission degrades and debases the individual being sexually submissive (and again – I understand that not all submission is like this – but ... a lot of the porn and fantasy on submission IS).  Sexual submission rarely seems like it is respectful or compassionate. Regardless of what the submissive gets out of the relationship, it seems abusive to me.

And in the case of 50 Shades of Grey – the biggest problem is not the sexual games that are played, but that the relationship itself is unhealthy. If someone cannot find sexual pleasure unless they physically hurt another person, something is wrong with that person!

I liked Toni’s essay because it raises the question, have we been conditioned to be turned on by abuse?  Have we been enculturated to not only tolerate sexual violence, but to celebrate it?

Again, I’m not opposed to consenting adults doing whatever it is they want to do together. But I’m also aware that not all pursuits of pleasure lead to happiness – or even to pleasure. If we want people to have happy healthy sexual relationships – don’t we have to define what that means?

Toni asks an excellent question – “What would be truly sexually pleasurable to women without violence and degradation?”  Perhaps we should find out.

User Comments

Please login or register to add comments

<Previous   Next>

go to top Go To Top go to top

How would you describe yourself?
Who's on Sumogirl
We have 21 guests online
Latest News
Most Popular

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required

Follow Jen on Facebook Follow Jen on Twitter Follow Jen on LinkedIn Follow Jen on YouTube

Follow Jen's Blog Follow Jen's Podcast Follow Jen on Quora

The Humanist Approach to Grief and Grieving

Humanist Learning Systems

The Humanist Approach to Happiness Life Skills Course

The Humanist Approach to Happiness on sale now!

Jen Hancock's Handy Humanism Handbook

Buy and Introduction to Humanism Now on DVD

The Bully Vaccine by Jennifer Hancock

The Bully Vaccine