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  arrow pointing to the right   Home arrow My Thoughts arrow Pop Culture arrow Pop Culture arrow Sugar Babies – sex, prostitution and relationships

Sugar Babies – sex, prostitution and relationships PDF Print E-mail

Sugar Babies – sex, prostitution and relationships

What constitutes prostitution isn’t always clear cut.

My Heart and My Body are connected

The Young Turks had a segment on Sugar Daddies the other day. There are also sugar mammas – but this show focused on women who let men pay them to date them.  They viewed this as prostitution.

The problem was that while some of the women had sugar daddies, most did not. They simply were being paid to date and have sex with these older men.

The young turks attitudes about prostitution was a bit bothersome to me – see video here:

What bothered me was that while I never entered into a kept relationship myself, I know several people who have.  I have known strippers, dancers, call girls and kept men and women.

The sugar daddy/sugar momma is very different from the other sorts of relationships. For instance, I know a woman who moved in with one of her clients – she was a dancer. I lost track of her when the guy threatened to kill her.  That was not a sugar daddy relationship. It was an actual relationship that resulted from a paid relationship. She never referred to her boyfriend as a sugar daddy. And she wasn’t paid or kept for dating him.

The same thing can be said for a woman I knew in China who as a call girl who ended up falling in love with one of her clients and decided to stop being a call girl for a while to live and be with him. As far as I know, he wasn’t paying her. He was taking care of her as a live in relationship would.

This contrasts with the people I know who have been kept.  They didn’t live with their sugar daddy or mama. That person simply paid their expenses.  And yes, they dated, but while their relationships were romantic – they were so much more.

I also need to disclosed I was propositioned by a couple of sugar daddies in my past, and while I didn’t pursue those relationships, it wasn’t because I didn’t like them or want to date them. I just didn’t want money in the middle of a romantic relationship.  

As a result, I think The Young Turks don't really understand the relationship aspect of what is going on within a sugar relationship. The people who end up in sugar relationships - are really smart people.  REALLY SMART!  This isn’t to say that my dancer and call girl friends weren’t smart – just that – what attracts the sugar parent to their baby is not necessarily sex. It’s all the other stuff that the person brings to the table. Whether it be artistic talent or something else. This contrasts with the call girl and dancer turning clients into boyfriends – those relationships were all about the sex.

From what I can tell, both as an individual propositioned by a sugar daddy and having known both men and women who have had sugar parents, that what attracted the older person to them wasn’t sex. It was their talents and intelligence in other areas.  And yeah - it's kind of a dating relationship that gets established, but it's also a mentoring relationship to help you establish yourself in the early stages of your adult life. 

A good sugar relationship is one where the successful person genuinely cares about the younger person and wants to see them succeed in life and yeah - is willing to invest in them so that they can. This investment is partially monetary - but it's also mentoring! The men who asked me out were men I genuinely liked and those relationships, had I pursued them, would probably have been very good for me in terms of setting me up for success in life. I just was adamant I wanted to do it on my own.  But I had no doubt their interest in me was genuinely because of who I am and could be and not just because I was female and available. My sense from the propositions was that sex was never going to be expected of me - their support of me was because - I was worth supporting - and again - that's not just fiscal support - it's mental and mentoring support.

The sugar mama/daddy relationship is very different from a call girl relationship - which is financial and primarily sexual. But again, the women I know who were in that line of work - were really smart. They had to be. They had to be able to hold their own in conversation with really intelligent men that were their clients.  So - yeah - call girl is prostitution - openly so - but it prostitution that includes an intellectual relationship in addition to the physical one.  This is different from women having sex with old men for money, which is just straight prostitution. 

And again, I've known call girls who ended up in a relationship and dancers who ended up in relationships with their clients- and those never seemed to end well - because it was primarily about the sex and not about the relationship.   As opposed to the sugar relationship, which is primarily about the relationship, which is why you do find men who are kept – but not gigolos.

One last thing - Maya Angelou was a high level prostitute /call girl. The people who are most successful at managing these relationships - are often REALLY smart -- which is why they attract the support of really successful people.

My point in sharing all this is that the stigma against prostitution is still really strong as evidenced by The Young Turks reaction to the segment on sugar daddies.  And these are young liberals.  And maybe instead of stigmatizing it or perpetuating the stigmas, we should instead try to understand why different people a) engage in prostitution and b) understand that there is a wide range and types of relationships that exist and that being kept by someone is not necessarily prostitution.  Sometimes it really is a caring partnership.

People who engage in sexual relationships for money or other support, need to have the right to do so, and should have protection from the more dangerous aspects of the job. Like they should have the right to refuse service if they want.  The key is respect for the both the prostitute and the John.  And, on top of this we need to consider the impact that sexual slavery has on the practice of prostitution and kept relationships.


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