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  arrow pointing to the right   Home arrow My Thoughts arrow My Advice arrow My Advice arrow Teen Sex

Teen Sex PDF Print E-mail

Teen Sex

 June 6 2007

A couple of weeks ago, a young girl of 14 wrote Dear Abby to ask her about whether she should have sex with her boyfriend or not.  (see: 2nd article)

She writes:

“I would do anything for Travis, and he would do the same for me. But I am not sure I want to have sex with him -- at least not yet.  I don't know what to do. My sister, "Tess," who is dating one of my friends, told me to just go along with it. But I don't know if I would be doing the right thing. I want Travis to be happy, but I don't want to get hurt in the process. Please help. -- LOST AND CONFUSED IN LAKE CHARLES”

Dear Abby’s answer was correct, but didn’t go far enough in explaining they whys to wait.

Obviously, yes, this boy is not with any of his other girlfriends anymore and having sex within him isn’t going to bind him to her.  More reasons for this girl to wait include:

  • She isn’t sure she is ready – which means – she isn’t.
  • Sex is a big deal! Young people need to be prepared for the consequences, including the fact that the person they had sex with might never call them again

I am not a prude and am not against pre-marital sex.  However, I do think that there are several good reasons why young people should wait to have sex with a partner until they are emotionally more mature.

Lets face it.  Relationships are tough, especially for young people just learning to navigate their way through them. They are learning how to date, how to be in romantic relationships etc.  This is a learning process that lasts a lifetime.  And, the heartaches that come with the eventual breakups at this age are hard enough to deal with emotionally, without introducing sex into the mix.  Sex at this age, just makes an already hard to deal with emotional experience that much harder and unnecessarily more painful. 

Sex is a big deal.  And anyone who says it isn’t either isn’t doing it right or is rationalizing away the emotional consequences of their actions.

My advice is to learn to ropes to relationships without sex before introducing sex into the mix.  No one who really likes you is going to break up with you for not having sex with them. And, anybody who does isn’t someone you want to be with anyway.  And this rule applies for anyone of any age (not just young people).

Once you know what the consequences are of relationships good and bad (and notice the emphasis on plural), then you will be in a much better place to handle the emotional consequences of adding sex into a relationship.

It is also helpful to wait to learn about relationships so you learn to recognize a good healthy relationship and bad unhealthy ones.  Trust me on this; you do not want to have sex with someone who is bad for you.  You really don’t want to go there. The only way to know the difference is to experience them. And, until you can tell the difference between a good relationship and a bad one, you really should not be having sex with a partner.

So, date, be happy, and wait to have sex until you have a better grasp of the game of love.  The added benefit is that the sex you do have in the meantime will be solo (ala masturbation), and you will learn a lot about yourself and your likes, dislikes etc.  This self-knowledge will actually make your first sexual encounter with your chosen romantic partner more satisfying and that is always a good thing, and that is just another good reason to wait.

User Comments

Comment by GUEST on 2008-11-06 12:50:55
teen sex

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